Couples Therapy Auckland

About Couples Therapy

What will couples therapy involve and how does it work?

A couples therapist will explain the process and work with you both together. Couples therapy often requires a dozen or more sessions together, though of course this can vary enormously. We recognise couples therapy requires a big investment of time, energy and money - but what can be more important than the most important relationship in your life?

The first step in therapy is learning to stand back and see what is happening. If you have been fighting, this may involve realising you are both struggling and to call a truce: to cut your partner some slack, even if they are not being that loveable!

As you stand back, you see more clearly what is happening - and how both parties are unwittingly contributing. You get better at working together to avoid the clashes. If you can see the potholes clearly, you are less likely to fall into them!

The next step is to become skilled at recognising the underlying issues so you do not get stuck on the small things. Instead of trying and failing to control each other, you come from a place of understanding - and see the problems in terms of each person's underlying needs.

Once you both realise what you are really needing in the relationship, and can impart that understanding to your partner in a way that they can take in - mutual struggling can be replaced by mutual understanding and generosity! At the end of the day, we all need to feel both safe and accepted by our partners - to know that we can depend upon them to be there for us.

Emotionally Focussed Therapy

Emotionally Focussed Therapy for Couples (EFT) is a brief approach to shaping loving relationships that goes much further than conflict resolution. It aims to create a safe and enduring emotional connection between people. EFT is based on the most recent research on the nature of relationship distress, of adult love and of emotion - and has been described as being at the cutting edge of a new era of couple therapy. EFT helps each partner to gain in emotional intelligence: to be able to ask for what you need in a way that works - and to tune in to what your partner needs too.

EFT is widely growing in popularity internationally. Part of this popularity comes from EFT's effectiveness. Rigorous research on EFT showed that 90% of couples improved, 72% continued to improve even after completing therapy and 60% maintained gains or continued improving 2 years after completing therapy.

Dr Susan Johnson who developed EFT has been described as 'the queen of couples therapy!' John Gottman - who is the most respected researcher in the relationships field - acknowledges Susan Johnson as one of his closest colleagues and friends in the couples therapy area.

To find out more:

The therapists on this website have all undergone advanced training in Emotionally Focussed Therapy for Couples (EFT).

(Please note: Emotionally Focussed Therapy EFT is not the same as the Emotional Freedom Technique EFT which involves tapping acupuncture points!)